Plugged In -

What Was Mariah Carey Thinking?

Alexandra Owens — Tue, 06 May 2008 12:55:55 -0400

If you haven't heard the utterly tragic news yet, you soon will; prima donna Mariah Carey rushed to the altar with "Wild N' Out" actor Nick Cannon last Wednesday, April 30th. The shocking nuptials, which were recently confirmed by Cannon's family, took place at Carey's Eleuthera estate in the Bahamas. Sources close to Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks, Cannon's ex-fiancé, suspect that the 17 carat diamond bling Carey has been sporting recently is Ebanks' recycled engagement ring. Real classy Cannon...

To top off the jaw-dropping news, the two got hitched without a pre-nup! Do we have another Kevin Federline on our hands? If so, we may have to grab some Mariah Carey tickets soon because this girl is gonna' need the money. At 38, being 11 years Cannon's senior, we have to wonder if this is a shotgun wedding. Poor Child...
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Kenny Chesney Tour Shedule, Tickets Sales Not Affected by Singer's Accident

Bernard Watson — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 11:16:16 -0400

Country superstar Kenny Chesney's latest tour almost suffered a set-back this week, when the ten-gallon titan injured his foot during a concert Saturday. The incident occurred while Chesney was performing at Columbia, South Carolina's Williams-Brice Stadium, and the singer finished the show in some pain but confident the Kenny Chesney tour schedule will not be affected. This will be a relief to his vast body of fans distributed along the tour route.

Apparently, Chesneys boot was stuck between the stage and a hydraulic platform which rose up next to him. He was pinned in this position for about half a minute, but was then released. Chesney continued to perform in some pain and with a pronounced limp, and he had to have his cowboy boot cut off when the show ended. An X-ray showed crushed bones in Chesney's foot, but he remains determined that the show must go on. This includes the Austin, Texas show planned for Thursday, May 1.
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Why Daughtry Means the End of Civilization

Bernard Watson — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:29:09 -0400

Remember when you could walk into a bookstore and there were just two sections – Fiction and Non-Fiction? Or a record store (assuming you remember what records were and aren’t just being a trendy "vinyl freak" or whatever you Johnny-come-latelys are calling yourselves these days)? There’d be a ton of Rock/Pop and then some Classical, and that’d be it. Rock and Pop included everything from Psychedelic, Punk, Blues, New Wave, and Electronica, to Ska, Bluebeat, Folk, and Country. Nowadays we have "nu-" this and "nu-" that. Nu? Wasn’t that a super-civilization from before Atlantis or something? Don’t tell me; it doesn’t matter.
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Are You a New Pornographer or Just a Stumblin’ Fool?

Bernard Watson — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:06:25 -0500

StumbleUpon is a bloody great power for the old attention-grabbing, isn’t it? An awesome plugin with which to turn the collective head of the blogosphere, and make some (hopefully) viral statement that guarantees your fifteen minutes of cyber-fame? But in the past few months, I’ve noticed one little glitch in the mechanics of the social tool, and in some cases it could make or break a website’s respectability. That’s right, it’s the pesky category button, that which defines a website’s contents on the search results page. Upon being asked to provide information about their site on StumbleUpon, many are choosing the “Adult” option, in the mistaken belief that the cuss-words or financial discussion in their gourmet food and wine blog qualifies it thus. But no, people! Upon choosing the “Adult” option, you automatically have the word Pornography situated right next to the name of your site for all the Googlers to see! Or are you actually a New Pornographer in town? Nobody knows unless they click, and if they don’t click, they don’t visit, and you know where this is going…if they are looking for The New Pornographers tickets they’ll be out of luck won’t they?
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Led Zeppelin Tickets Hard to Find? Try Lez Zeppelin Instead!

Bernard Watson — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 13:26:44 -0500

Freaks. Has all the talk of Led Zeppelin tickets going onsale got you all floppy and disoriented? Gotcha goin’ ape with eagerness, flailing like a rock ‘n’ roll whirling dervish around the ziggurat of your personal crediverse in a kinetic Led Zeppelin tickets trance? Tickets to Led Zep won’t be easy to find when they do finally get printed, that’s for sure, so you might wanna consider an alternative:
2008’s Bonnaroo Festival in Tennessee – the seventh, no less; quite a feat for anything in this country, where a business is considered “successful” if it has been up and running since Led Zep retired – sees a little twist to the usual parade of Indie bands and other professional hipsters. From the (uncredible) credibility industry, in the form of some young ladies calling themselves Lez Zeppelin, we now have choices! That’s right, Lez Zeppelin. They do covers of the Zep catalog, but they’re all female and the Lezzies (if that wasn’t their nickname it is now) are the first pure tribute band to play Bonnaroo in its seven years of hipness and coolness and credible suchness. Who’da thunk it, huh? Lez Zeppelin.
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Heath Ledger: Live Fast, Die Young, Leave a Stoned-Looking Corpse...

Bernard Watson — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 14:44:26 -0500

Well, it’s happened again, and it’s sad: Another young person found dead, surrounded by assorted remedies from the Western pill cabinet, naked. This time it was women’s fave Heath Ledger, the guy who bravely played the gay cowboy in “Brokeback Mountain”, and more recently, the Joker in Batman XXII, or however many remakes of the caped crusader we’ve had now (I know, it’s actually called “The Dark Knight,” and is set to come out later this year, no doubt causing a media emo-frenzy; will they buy concert tickets to go watch some celebs rap about life and Heath, and being beautiful? Will they take their African and Chinese adopted children along, swathed in their national costumes, to demonstrate their ethical superiority? Who knows?). Heath Ledger, with the young child and estranged girlfriend. Heath Ledger with the Australian family who are now shattered. Heath Ledger, blah, blah, blah.
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Patriots Playoffs Tickets, Anyone? Anyone? Pleeeeaasssse?!?!?!?!?

Bernard Watson — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 15:39:46 -0500

If someone offered me some New England Patriots playoffs tickets, or better, New England Patriots Super Bowl tickets, well, what could I say? Even I, the esteemed Doctor Watson, am speechless with awe at the invincibility of the New England Patriots right now. I mean, how good can one team be? The systematic demolition of pretty much anyone who fancies their chances this season has meant that the Patriots are now officially the top dogs of the NFL, and everybody else must bow, wow, wow, down to them and say "Yes, Sir!!!"
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Top Ten Wrinkly Rock Reunions of 2007

Bernard Watson — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 11:58:30 -0500

Well, this past year had us rolling in the aisles, didn’t it? And weeping, and gnashing our teeth, and even crawling on all fours (if we were a photographer) in order to snap a pic of a young woman’s crotch as she struggled against the combined forces of alcohol, cocaine, and Oxycodone while alighting from a parked vehicle. Drug interactions such as the above can, er, cause you to forget to put on all your clothes, apparently, and photographers quickly seized the initiative as only the gutter press can – by appropriately lying in the gutter. But worthier things occurred this year, so let’s move away from the gutter and spend some quality time to look back on important stuff, like Classic Rock.
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Amy Winehouse’s Beehive: Tougher to Manage than a Spice Girls Lip-Sync

Bernard Watson — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 17:51:59 -0500

It’s been a busy week for famous idiots, this. First we had Amy Winehouse’s utter toilet brush of a husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, being jailed for – wait for it – grievous bodily harm (or assault, as common people call it), resulting in Mrs. Winehouse arriving one hour late for a concert, while hundreds holding Amy Winehouse tickets traipsed out onto the pavement (as British people call it), chanting obscenities and generally making asses (as Americans call them) of themselves. That this streak of piss actually managed to successfully assault another full-grown human man I find extremely doubtful, unless the guy in question was:
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Bonkers over Conkers

Bernard Watson — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 15:20:59 -0400

Bombarded as we are here in the United States with news items about cops shooting glass jars off the heads of skunks, and Coke and Pepsi deliverymen engaging in fisticuffs, we sometimes need distraction from the mayhem. And what better salve than to cast one’s mind to that fairer ground of the autumn glades of Olde Englande, where conker season is just beginning. When the skies turn that leaden grey over Blighty, and the leaves flash their golden effulgence in the late afternoon sunshine that cuts suddenly through the clouds, autumn has arrived. Throngs of children comb the woods, searching for plump, mahogany jewels. These jewels are horse chestnuts, or conkers, as they call them over there, the fruit of a massive tree, proud as an oak and easily as tall as a sycamore. I well remember scouring the fallen piles of orange and amber leaves as a lad, my eyes straining in the pale light of the shortened days, and the jolt of excitement upon spying a big polished brown orb. But finding a conker was only the beginning, whether you knocked it down with a well-aimed stick, or scaled a horse chestnut tree to shake the branches and send the conkers raining down on friends who were forever grateful.
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