James Plankton's blog

It’s September, and the Red Sox are 13 games behind in the wildcard race with only 10 games left in the season. It’s between them and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays for last place in the division. With nothing left to play for, a tired Kurt Schilling is rested and some unknown rookie from Peru starts. The team is sprinkled with benchwarmers, while the established players go through the motions before their winter vacation.

Meanwhile, at the end of the season in England’s highest division of soccer, the Premier League, Aston Villa and West Ham are playing. Both clubs have rich histories of success, but have fallen on hard times and currently stand 17th and 18th out of 20 teams. Despite the low league positions of the teams involved, this is the most exciting game of the season because of one word: relegation.
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Hey homies. Did anyone else watch Monday Night Football on ESPN and almost cry? That time-score box looked like an ugly jumble of numbers. And don't get me started on the inept triumverate of Tirico, Theismann and Kornheiser. What a bunch of muppets. They'd sound like a law firm if they weren't so pathetic.

As for the league, the Redskins were pretty disappointing, even if their fans weren't. I don't think the Vikings will be able to do anything this season, and I'm going to put the Steelers and Colts into that same category. The teams to watch out for are the Patriots and Seahawks. Having Bill Belichek on your side will always make you a contender, while Seattle now have the experience to take it to the next level. read more ...

Another trading deadline has come to pass and while the flurry of speculation and wild predictions may not have panned out, there were still a number of moves made around both leagues that could alter the playoff picture come October. Yes Alfonso Soriano is still a National, Barry Zito still an A and the biggest name to be moved, Greg Maddux, has won four games since May - but there were a number of role players that changed teams and are poised to make an impact.

Winners: New York Yankees, Greg Maddux, Texas Rangers, Los Angeles Dodgers

New York Yankees

Once again George Steinbrenner has proved that with deep pockets, anything is possible. Sunday afternoon the Yankees were able to acquire All-Star outfielder Bobby Abreu and solid starter Corey Lidle from the Phillies for next to nothing. Sure they gave up a handful of prospects, but none were the coveted double-A starter Philip Hughes. All Uncle George had to do was whip out the checkbook and the Yankees were able to add another huge bat to their already ridiculously potent lineup. Oh and just to build on their depth, the Yankees also acquired 20-plus-homer a year Craig Wilson to come off their bench.
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Just like my town's 4th of July Fund bake sale, the world of sports has provided plenty of fireworks these past few weeks. I have been revelling in the simple pleasures of cold Coronas and amazing athletic competitions. There are major stories to discuss in soccer, baseball, basketball and competitive eating, so let's get down to it.

Soccer
Like many folks, I was dismayed to see the legendary Zinadine Zidane end his career with a disgraceful headbutt into the sternum of Marco Matterazzi. However, I agree with his being voted the player of the tournament, despite the violent episode. Moreover, two things rankled me even more than Zidane's misguided header.
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Heathrow Airport has seen the last of James Plankton.

Caught up in the prelude to soccer’s World Cup, I was jubilant after catching England’s 6-0 dismantling of Jamaica at the famous “Old Trafford”. Catching a connecting flight in London seemed like just another pit stop on a 10-hour trip home after a fantastic week… or so I thought.

With four hours between when I arrived and when I was due to depart, I made my way to Wetherspoons, a pub located conveniently in the terminal. Had I known what was to follow, I would have had even more than the five pints of Newcastle Brown Ale I managed to quaff while I was there. First, the plane was delayed an hour. Then, my seat was next to a heavyset opera singer and a screaming infant with a head like a sweaty red potato. As a final coup de grace, my bags were sent to Colorado Springs instead of New York. But I digress.
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Only 15 days aka 372 hours aka 22344 minutes until the World Cup kicks on in Germany on June 9. The biggest sporting event in the world is also the biggest sporting event in my world. Over the next few days, I'll be giving you the lowdown on each group in the tournament, complete with star turns, diamonds in the rough, promising youngsters, historical background and much more. Up first is Group A: Costa Rica, Ecuador, Germany and Poland.

I was on a flight from Louisville to Milwaukee last week, on my way to scout out the Brewers. While trying to decide between Budweiser Light and Budweiser Select, the stocky fellow next to me asked for a mint julep. That got me thinking.

I've never really enjoyed the taste of mint juleps. You won't see me ordering one at a fancy bar or sipping one while I grill steaks out on my porch. But once every year, you'll find me rubbing elbows with an entire crowd of mint julep junkies. And guess what? I'll have at least one in my hands, too. Why?

The Kentucky Derby.

For the readers who don't know, I was born in Elizabethtown, Kentucky, long before it was made famous by Kirsten Dunst and Orlando Bloom. The Bluegrass State is still in my blood, so I've been celebrating it on the first Saturday in May since I can remember. Over the years, I've learned a lot about how to enjoy the race whether I'm in the infield, in the stands or watching on television. Use these tips and make the Kentucky Derby a day you'll remember.
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I'm fresh off a week in Vero Beach, Florida, running the rule over Major League Baseball teams in spring training. In between piña coladas and catching some sweet ocean surf, I watched the Dodgers play a couple of games at their spring home. The Mets were just down the road in Port Saint Lucie, and I got to see them first-hand, too. The other teams were too far to drive to, but I diligently grabbed a pad of paper, a good pen and a bottle of Tuborg and parked myself in front of the television, ready to predict this year's Major League Baseball shakedown:

Barry Bonds will pass Babe Ruth on the home run list, but will not eclipse Hank Aaron. It seems that everyone is weighing in on Bonds after two San Francisco journalists published a detailed account of how, when and why the slugger allegedly took steroids during the remarkable sunset of his career. Some suggest that Bonds should be banned from the game for life and his records erased from the books. Others contend that Major League Baseball didn't prohibit steroids until recently, and that the problem is so widespread, it's unfair to single Bonds out as a cheater.
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A few days ago, I was sitting on a plane trying to decide which domestic beer would help me get through my flight to Connecticut the fastest. All of a sudden, the seat next to me was filled with Rebecca Lobo, former UConn basketball great. Now I'm not a short man, but she could have used me for a foot stool. As it turns out, she's a very nice girl. I explained that I was flying all over the country, looking over the latest contenders and pretenders for the NCAA basketball tournament...you know, March Madness.

Rebecca fancied the chances of her Alma Matter, and who am I to argue? The Huskies have to be the favorites with Jim Calhoun coaching and Rudy Gay doing everything else. Still, there's some serious competition from all the usual suspects like Duke, Texas and UCLA. Some of the mighty have fallen, like Syracuse and North Carolina, but my feeling is that March Madness will bring out the best in both teams.
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