If you haven't heard the utterly tragic news yet, you soon will; prima donna Mariah Carey rushed to the altar with "Wild N' Out" actor Nick Cannon last Wednesday, April 30th. The shocking nuptials, which were recently confirmed by Cannon's family, took place at Carey's Eleuthera estate in the Bahamas. Sources close to Victoria's Secret model Selita Ebanks, Cannon's ex-fiancé, suspect that the 17 carat diamond bling Carey has been sporting recently is Ebanks' recycled engagement ring. Real classy Cannon...

To top off the jaw-dropping news, the two got hitched without a pre-nup! Do we have another Kevin Federline on our hands? If so, we may have to grab some Mariah Carey tickets soon because this girl is gonna' need the money. At 38, being 11 years Cannon's senior, we have to wonder if this is a shotgun wedding. Poor Child...

The scantily clad diva just hit number one on charts with her recently released single "Touch My Body" from her E=MC2 album. With such positive publicity circulating around Carey, could Cannon be leeching the limelight from his betrothed? Apparently the two haven't been dating for a significant amount of time. A source close to Cannon claims, "They have been smitten with each other for days, weeks...and she's always had a crush on him."

Hopefully Ms. Carey doesn't break down again because the prognosis for this makeshift couple looks pretty bleak. Carey had a short stint in the loony bin after her acrid divorce from top music executive Tommy Mottola.

Ah, but for the hopeless romantic- we would love to see Mimi happy and normal, like she was during her "Sweet Fantasy" days. Then again, the Paul McCartney and Heather Mills’ battle was oh so entertaining. Americans wanted nothing more than to see Mills hobble away with the lot of McCartney's fortune. So, maybe for once we'll be rooting for a little more garbage to add to the heap. You know, just to make the work day pass by a little quicker.