If someone offered me some New England Patriots playoffs tickets, or better, New England Patriots Super Bowl tickets, well, what could I say? Even I, the esteemed Doctor Watson, am speechless with awe at the invincibility of the New England Patriots right now. I mean, how good can one team be? The systematic demolition of pretty much anyone who fancies their chances this season has meant that the Patriots are now officially the top dogs of the NFL, and everybody else must bow, wow, wow, down to them and say "Yes, Sir!!!"
Right from the get-go, when the Pats went to the New York Jets and won by 38 to 14, it seemed like there was something in the air, and no, it wasn’t the sweet smell of delusion, it was the weird aroma of the apex predator moving in on the herd with precision and cold-hearted need. That’s right; need. Need to win, to dominate, to master, and to thrash some sense into those who didn’t get it. The Patriots followed their rampage at the Jets with an identical scoreline at Foxboro (or Gillette Stadium if you’re a Johnny-come-lately, which I’m not), when they slapped the San Diego Chargers into dumbstruck horror, and sent them packing back to their Californian dreamworld with a stern case of Reality in their earholes. Take that ladyboys, now get back to your plastic puff-land and remember what happened when you tried to mix it with the lads from New England. This was the game where linebacker Adalius Thomas went 65 yards for a touchdown having intercepted a Rivers pass, taking the halftime score to 24-0. That's class.
Let’s not forget the little blip, though, when the jealous football world tried to derail the record-breaking season before it even got going: That’s right, my patients, that preposterous so-called “Illegal videotaping incident”. An ex-Pats staffer who shall remain nameless was the one who provided the spark for this mass hysteria, which saw New England coach Bill Belichick fined almost ten minutes’ wages ($500,000) with the club fined a further $250,000 (roughly equal to the coffee and donut budget for last Wednesday). Such trifles wouldn’t, and couldn’t, stop the Pats; they smashed onward, destroying the Bills, Bengals, Browns, and even the Cowboys, as they set that shocking record. They kicked butt fabulously, and all the rest of the NFL could do was watch, open-mouthed, like nerd-men clustered in the dubious shelter of their wrecked dreams.
The season’s almost at an end, which is a shame, cos I for one would like it to last forever. I mean, who wouldn’t want to see that game against the Redskins again, when Brady broke his own career record, and the mighty Pats opened the contest by rushing 90 yards to keep that amazing opening drive scoring streak alive? The game ended 52-7 for the Patriots, but it was actually 52-0 at one point. That said it all, really. If that was soccer, the score would have been 8-0, and at this level that’s impressive.
So, as the next week drags, and I dream of watching this machine hit the high notes again when they play the Chargers on Sunday for the Divisional Playoffs, I will relish the moment, savor the air, smell the coffee (and donuts), and know, know in my heart of hearts, that I am luckier than most saps who’ve lived and died on this planet, because I am alive at the pinnacle of greatness. And no-one can ever take that away.
